Pah travel you say? Fair enough I've not been away much shy of a month at the longest but I live in Peckham now and consider my usual trip to Covent Garden an epic journey. Rye Lane is a mystical place of untold people full of the smells and sounds of the most far flung corners of the world. The train station is my Manila jeepney terminal. Primark is my bustling Moroccan bazaar and Poundland my Nicaraguan corner shop. So with that authority I offer up my wise tips for any girl embarking on a bit of traveling even if just for a few weeks.
Pack like a man.
There is no need to take more than 2 pairs of shoes MAXIMUM (I took 5 to Nicaragua and wore only 2, flung one pair out in the street, and made my boyfriend carry a pair round for the entire trip. I did offer to wear them on the plane home so at least they'd been worn but he'd buried them deep in his bag by then)
You should lay out all your clothes on the bed and then put only half of them in your case. Repeat that process if you find it tricky to do up the bag. Note - no one will be carrying your bag up the side of the mountain/volcano/waterfall but you, and trust me - you'll be flinging your shoes into the sunset if you've packed too much.
The things that you should take in abundance tampons/suncream/antihistamines/ mosquito spray and travel wash (superdrug 99p) and
baby wipes.
I feel that I'm quite an environmentally conscious person, green in that when prompted I'll opt for
(yet another) bag for life over a plastic carrier. Technically at my age I could also have a 10 year old child - which I haven't - so that's a lot of baby wipes just there that I haven't used, so I'm justified in using loads and loads on holiday. Trust me - you'll need them.
Don't be such a girl on holiday.
I did a bit of a wee in my bikini when I came up close with a shark while snorkeling, it's funny now but I really lost it. The poor old shark thought I was far too mental to come near and promptly swam away. Freaking out is the worst thing to do, it'll put you off diving off that really high cliff in to the lovely sea and it'll make you not want to go walking to the beautiful lake though the long grass incase it's infested with cobras.
(It probably is, but the lake is worth it.)
Spiders - ignore them, they'll scuttle off.
Snakes - poke long grass with a stick and stomp as you walk - they'll slither off.
Sharks - punch them in the gills - they'll either kill you instantly or swim off.
Mosquitos - wear a bit of spray - they'll fly off.
The nastiest things are in the sea - jelly fish should be avoided at all costs, coral will rip you up and leave nasty little things in your skin, and ala Steve Irwin Sting Ray will stab you with their poisonous tails so best to shuffle in to the sea so they swim off - if you stand on one and it stings you you must piss all over yourself apparently. Hmm. I'd rather have the stinger.
Research your destination.
It's so important to have a few things figured out before you arrive on day one, book your first night accommodation and then ear mark all the interesting places you'd like to visit, mark them on the map and that's pretty much your holiday planned.
Be prepared to map read - you see where you are on the map, where you need to be on the map, and follow the lines that join the two. It's quite easy really.
Eat like a local
Depending on where you are going naturally, I'd suggest bottled water at least to begin your trip, but definitely get involved in the local cuisine. No one wants to serve you steak and chips - so don't ask. Except in the Philippines where I would suggest no one ever tries Balut which is a partially developed duck foetus still in the egg - I tried it but I can't bring myself to talk about it. STEAK MEDIUM RARE PLEASE!
more abhorrent foods from around the world here
